This Too Shall Pass... Right?

Feeling a little blue today.

Pros:

* It's actually bright and sunny, although by mid-afternoon we'll be getting much-needed rain.
* It's pleasantly cool and has been for several days, with more to come. It's reminded me of my beloved Southern California.
* I got a haircut yesterday, and it makes me feel better. My hair was too floopy. (Yes, floopy.)
* I've been eating more sensibly of late. And I've lost weight.
* The Miami Heat trail in a series.
* My team's goalie is NOT Carey Price.
* I've been able to sub a lot lately.
* M loves me.
* My silly dogs love me.
* My parents are alive, doing well, and I love talking to them. My mom sends me newspaper clippings. Adorbs.
* I got to talk to my daughter yesterday.
* I'm in touch with my emotions.
* I mowed the yard. There can be reward in small accomplishments.
* I found and applied for three good jobs yesterday; one would be super, although in reality, I'm probably a bit overqualified for it.
* This morning, I completed some unfinished business.

Cons:

* I'm in touch with my emotions. When you get sad about something, it lingers.
* Long-term underemployment causes me agita. I worry about money on a daily basis.
* It pisses me off when I stand all day how tired it makes me sometimes. I need to get stronger.
* For all the progress humanity has made, the things I see in this country right now are shameful. I've never seen us more politically divided.
* People can be really mean. I don't get it. The Earth is our house, but people don't share it. There's a selfishness in our time that breaks my heart. How have we lost our compassion?
* At times my confidence flags, and I hate that feeling.

I'm trying to see the positives and embrace them, use them to battle the discouraging thoughts. A wispy cool breeze wafts through the window just three feet to the right of me. The neighbor's drive is dappled with sunlight and the shadows of the fully blooming tree now shading our yard. They have a narrow flower bed between their house and the driveway; a bright pink flower blooms, a bush has leafed out. Monkey grass augments. Two birds just fought over ... something laying in the drive. Their home is a soft pastel green. A corner of the sky alternates between bright sun and growing clouds.

In the background, M is on a conference call. She's impressive and knowledgeable; it makes me proud. Somewhere nearby, workers chatter and saw on an unknown project.

In a lot of ways... MANY ways... I have things really good. They could be better, and when they are not, it bothers me. I always feel like I am capable of more, and when I underperform, it disturbs me.

Dear readers, if you've made it this far, please know that every kind word you give to me, or to ANYONE, is appreciated, deeply. I think I'm pretty good at projecting a surface appearance of (relative) calm and positivity. But beneath the surface, we all crave and need that encouragement. If you've taken a minute or two to read these thoughts, it helps. It's fuel. You don't even have to say anything... I get totals of site visits, and some of them are spam. But some are not. Thank you.