Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Party of One

Snow No. 15 today. It's pretty and will push us toward 60 inches officially on the year, although the number is surely higher since we're a little inland. The official measurement is at Logan, which is right on the sea and totals generally change pretty quickly as you move away from the coast.

I don't know if we'll have many snows left. Despite the hassle sometimes, I really love the snow.

And despite yesterday's ranty post, I don't want to give the wrong impression... things are good. My life is good.

Of course there are things that could use improvement. I really want to lose weight and be healthier and more physically appealing. I guess that's shallow. Oh well.

Ferris was right... things move pretty quickly. I don't want to miss any more than I have to. And that's the bummer, we DO miss things. We CANNOT have it all. There isn't enough time. I want to see the world, I want to be better at life in all facets... fact is we're all going to have to cut some corners every now and then. That's hard maybe to accept but I believe it.

I'm not calling this a "bucket list" because I think that's a totally fabricated concept. But, there are some  things I want to do. But, I also think that I won't complete this mission. The first one is just to see the amazing sights in the world, and I just don't think there's enough time. When I read "Into Thin Air" I couldn't believe the hacks that basically paid Sherpas to haul their asses to the top of Everest. "I climbed Everest!"

No, fuckheads, you didn't. You didn't spend years learning how to mountaineer, you spent money to achieve a faux "accomplishment."

I'm never going to be like that. I've earned my scars, paid for them in tears, and they're real. And they're spectacular.

It's been almost 16 months in Boston now. I'm only recently starting to feel like it's "home." It's still so foreign in so many ways, and what's been harder to acclimate is the fact that the people are a bit aloof and reluctant to bring you into their circles here. It's hard to fit in, and a lot of the "natural" social circles aren't available to me. I don't participate in a religious setting, a school setting, anything like that.

My only real options are neighbors (they kind of suck), work (always dicey, for all the usual reasons, plus here co-workers don't even sometimes live in the same state) or people I meet randomly. Except here if you start a random convo with someone they eye you with suspicion. No, dude, I'm not trying to pick you up. No, toots, I ain't hitting on you.

But I think in the last couple of weeks I've kind of adjusted my thinking on this. If people aren't welcoming me into their world, I'm going to throw a party of one. Not to get all Stuart Smalley, but I feel like I'm a good enough person to be worthy of friendship. Some people pay lip service to that; I don't.

So, you know, if you want to be my friend, let's hang. If not, that's cool too, because I've got M, I've got the hounds... and I have ME.

So the next time someone tells me to go fuck myself, I should take that as a compliment, right?

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