We got here on Nov. 1, exhausted, stressed out, and facing a mammoth unpack. We were four or five hours behind schedule.
That was a scant 30 days ago. It seems like it was about three or four months ago. Is that good, or bad?
There are still matters to tend to... my job search is full-on; we have conducted some but not all business -- we have a bank account and our utilities are active. We still haven't gotten the license tags turned over, although we do have a Massachusetts insurance carrier now. We have found a vet, but not a dentist; we have found great sushi but not great pizza; we have found a theater, but it's a dump.
At the moment I live as a sort of "Mr. Mom," tending to most household chores. I'm trying to contribute.
Now is a good time to apply the lessons learned from frugality and minimalism. We've been able to have a few meals out, but we used to have most meals out. Because of public transportation, we've been able to extend our fuel costs for the cars, which is a positive since presently 87 Octane gasoline is running at $3.559 per gallon.
I set a goal of getting a job by the end of the year, so while I haven't landed anything yet, I have had an interview and some promising leads.
On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being awesome and 1 being suck, I'd rate the first month about a 7.5. That's pretty high, and I give it that only because there was only one major catastrophe (I lost a car key). Otherwise, once here, the settling in has been acceptable and I initially rated the month an 8, but my general confusion, the lack of a paycheck, and some unfinished activities are points off. Plus, the Cowboys had a bad month.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Attitude Altitude
It really does matter to have a positive attitude.
Even if you're feeling discouraged, even if thinking "things will work out for the best" seems like spin... keep your head up.
Of course it's hard. Of course there are days when you feel like everything sucks and why bother?
You've got to fight through that.
My career spiked consistently up for a long time. Once I finally got a "real" job, I leveraged that into a bigger and better job within the same company. I climbed somewhat in that job, steadily, until after 10 years the choices were to either wait out the retirement of my boss, or look outside. The boss had settled comfortably and had no reason to want to quit. So I looked around, and found a dream job in California that had money, prestige, promise, a view of the "Hollywood" sign, a place on the beach, etc.
I followed that up with some risky decisions. The first was to join a company that had potential, but ideologically was a total sellout of my values. I did it for the money. Big mistake, and that marriage did not take for a variety of reasons. I do not blame them. I totally blame myself.
The next big job I landed was outstanding, and I worked with an original team of visionaries and hard workers. We did great things and to this day we remain close.
Then I gambled, and joined a startup with enormous upside. It ended unexpectedly... like the death of someone healthy. Investors basically chickened out. Some think they were bought out. Either way, 26 of us were tossed aside on a sunny Friday afternoon.
That turned into an opportunity I used to get back into college and finish my degree, but while working for a company that was in a struggling industry with uncertain leadership. Not a formula for success, and that company had wave after wave of layoffs before being gobbled up in a merger. Before that merger, I was swept out on one of those late waves, along with several other top-notch co-workers.
I jumped from that ledge to a smaller one, and got laid off in another downsizing two years later. Recession = repression.
But for the most part, I've avoided the next step: depression. It's frustrating that for the last 18 months I've had to take freelance jobs and part-time jobs. It's difficult to accept the near-misses/rejection and/or outright disinterest of hundreds of other job prospects over that timespan.
It's hard to know you have ability and can contribute to the success of a business, but cannot get the opportunity to do so.
But I cannot allow myself to let those discouragements linger.
One of the big advantages to moving to Boston is that the job market here and in Massachusetts in general is strong. In the few weeks we have been here, the first order of business was to get settled in and take care of the transition while M gets rolling in her job. But in the last two weeks, I've turned more focus toward rejoining the workforce and providing an additional revenue stream to the household.
I had my first interview Tuesday. I think I will get some opportunities, although that will be also on a freelance/part-time basis. This week I've been busily chasing other leads -- which are indeed plentiful -- and building up hopes.
I've basically been a housewife since I've been here. And that's not meant as a slam to housewives. There are tons of positives about keeping the home tidy, handling the responsibilities of taking care of the pets and budget and things that contribute to our shared quality of life. But I didn't go back to college to do this. And every time I think of wanting to attend an event, purchase a non-essential item, or even book a flight back to Texas for Thanksgiving, I worry about money. If I have a steady income, or ANY income, it will alleviate some stress.
Yet after a time of getting turned down, you can wonder what you're doing wrong. Is it you? Probably not. Maybe not. But you still have doubts.
And doubts are dangerous.
So I'm working hard to keep my attitude up.
(This would be a good place to provide positive feedback, dear readers. But it's also OK not to. Because ultimately, this one's on me, and I can't lean on anyone else to make the changes and differences needed that allow me to fight on.)
Even if you're feeling discouraged, even if thinking "things will work out for the best" seems like spin... keep your head up.
Of course it's hard. Of course there are days when you feel like everything sucks and why bother?
You've got to fight through that.
My career spiked consistently up for a long time. Once I finally got a "real" job, I leveraged that into a bigger and better job within the same company. I climbed somewhat in that job, steadily, until after 10 years the choices were to either wait out the retirement of my boss, or look outside. The boss had settled comfortably and had no reason to want to quit. So I looked around, and found a dream job in California that had money, prestige, promise, a view of the "Hollywood" sign, a place on the beach, etc.
I followed that up with some risky decisions. The first was to join a company that had potential, but ideologically was a total sellout of my values. I did it for the money. Big mistake, and that marriage did not take for a variety of reasons. I do not blame them. I totally blame myself.
The next big job I landed was outstanding, and I worked with an original team of visionaries and hard workers. We did great things and to this day we remain close.
Then I gambled, and joined a startup with enormous upside. It ended unexpectedly... like the death of someone healthy. Investors basically chickened out. Some think they were bought out. Either way, 26 of us were tossed aside on a sunny Friday afternoon.
That turned into an opportunity I used to get back into college and finish my degree, but while working for a company that was in a struggling industry with uncertain leadership. Not a formula for success, and that company had wave after wave of layoffs before being gobbled up in a merger. Before that merger, I was swept out on one of those late waves, along with several other top-notch co-workers.
I jumped from that ledge to a smaller one, and got laid off in another downsizing two years later. Recession = repression.
But for the most part, I've avoided the next step: depression. It's frustrating that for the last 18 months I've had to take freelance jobs and part-time jobs. It's difficult to accept the near-misses/rejection and/or outright disinterest of hundreds of other job prospects over that timespan.
It's hard to know you have ability and can contribute to the success of a business, but cannot get the opportunity to do so.
But I cannot allow myself to let those discouragements linger.
One of the big advantages to moving to Boston is that the job market here and in Massachusetts in general is strong. In the few weeks we have been here, the first order of business was to get settled in and take care of the transition while M gets rolling in her job. But in the last two weeks, I've turned more focus toward rejoining the workforce and providing an additional revenue stream to the household.
I had my first interview Tuesday. I think I will get some opportunities, although that will be also on a freelance/part-time basis. This week I've been busily chasing other leads -- which are indeed plentiful -- and building up hopes.
I've basically been a housewife since I've been here. And that's not meant as a slam to housewives. There are tons of positives about keeping the home tidy, handling the responsibilities of taking care of the pets and budget and things that contribute to our shared quality of life. But I didn't go back to college to do this. And every time I think of wanting to attend an event, purchase a non-essential item, or even book a flight back to Texas for Thanksgiving, I worry about money. If I have a steady income, or ANY income, it will alleviate some stress.
Yet after a time of getting turned down, you can wonder what you're doing wrong. Is it you? Probably not. Maybe not. But you still have doubts.
And doubts are dangerous.
So I'm working hard to keep my attitude up.
(This would be a good place to provide positive feedback, dear readers. But it's also OK not to. Because ultimately, this one's on me, and I can't lean on anyone else to make the changes and differences needed that allow me to fight on.)
Monday, November 26, 2012
Moving is Expensive
Even if your company pays all or some of your moving expenses, it's a costly proposition.
In most cases, a move is going to be "revenue averse."
We took what we considered to be the most cost-efficient methods when planning and executing the move. Doesn't matter; it's still going to cost us.
Because even if you get all of the actual relocation costs handled, there are other costs that aren't covered. The State of Massachusetts is going to have us fork over $200 to get new driver's licenses. Our insurance is going up. There were also perishables that we couldn't bring with us, so we have to replace a lot of things that normally have a longer shelf life.
When you buy a jar of mustard, you don't replace it until it's gone. Stuff like that.
Our Sam's Club membership expires next month. We had planned to make a final run or two to the nearest Sam's here to load up on some things, and figured that we'd shift our bulk membership to Costco. The nearest Sam's here is 40 miles away. We decided yesterday that a two-hour round-trip and $10 worth of gas wasn't the best use of resources. So now we'll accelerate that new club membership. So there's another $55.
These costs aren't necessarily unanticipated. But they're annoying.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Random Observations
I've now lived on both coasts. Sunsets last a long time on the Pacific, and sunrises do on the Atlantic. It seems like there's light in the sky very early, and it takes a while to totally light up.
I don't know if there's any scientific accuracy to this; it's just a sense. Time will tell. One thing I don't love so much is that the darkness comes early, and it's damned dark here at night. I also tend to think that this is a factor of being on the Atlantic, where there's just intense darkness to the east. By 4:30 p.m., most of the sunlight is gone. By 5:30 p.m., it's nighttime. Do.Not.Love.
***
They love their coffee and donuts here. For every Starbucks, there's three Dunkin' Donuts. I've passed more than one place where there were separate "Dunk's" directly across the street from one another. I guess that works... you don't have to cross traffic.
***
The tap water here is much better than one would think. I figured it'd be pretty tough to match Arkansas' water. But the water here is good. Much better than Texas or California.
***
However, the low-flow toilet is weird. I still don't know how to actually flush correctly. Apparently these are water-efficient, so I am for that, but they don't seem water-efficient if I have to flush more than once. TMI?
***
I have a job interview Tuesday. A really good job, albeit part-time. Wish me luck.
***
We've been deliberating banks and have made a choice. We'd prefer a community bank but in a city this large, you need to have more options. So we're going with a larger entity. But not the douche banks like B of A, Citi, Chase.
***
Thanksgiving was different. It was just us. M made a nice dinner of turkey breast we got from Carmine at Star Market, some fresh green beans, mashed potatoes and dumplings. We bought a couple of small pies to seal the deal. It was nice.
And interesting to think that the holiday started here. Once again the amazing history of this place interjects.
***
We're eating better. Part of that is that finding crap food here is not as easy... they're not on every street corner. That's a positive. And because things are more expensive here, I'm being a lot more conscientious about our food budget. Until I land a job, this is a smart play. And I want to think that once I do get a job, we won't backslide.
I don't know if there's any scientific accuracy to this; it's just a sense. Time will tell. One thing I don't love so much is that the darkness comes early, and it's damned dark here at night. I also tend to think that this is a factor of being on the Atlantic, where there's just intense darkness to the east. By 4:30 p.m., most of the sunlight is gone. By 5:30 p.m., it's nighttime. Do.Not.Love.
***
They love their coffee and donuts here. For every Starbucks, there's three Dunkin' Donuts. I've passed more than one place where there were separate "Dunk's" directly across the street from one another. I guess that works... you don't have to cross traffic.
***
The tap water here is much better than one would think. I figured it'd be pretty tough to match Arkansas' water. But the water here is good. Much better than Texas or California.
***
However, the low-flow toilet is weird. I still don't know how to actually flush correctly. Apparently these are water-efficient, so I am for that, but they don't seem water-efficient if I have to flush more than once. TMI?
***
I have a job interview Tuesday. A really good job, albeit part-time. Wish me luck.
***
We've been deliberating banks and have made a choice. We'd prefer a community bank but in a city this large, you need to have more options. So we're going with a larger entity. But not the douche banks like B of A, Citi, Chase.
***
Thanksgiving was different. It was just us. M made a nice dinner of turkey breast we got from Carmine at Star Market, some fresh green beans, mashed potatoes and dumplings. We bought a couple of small pies to seal the deal. It was nice.
And interesting to think that the holiday started here. Once again the amazing history of this place interjects.
***
We're eating better. Part of that is that finding crap food here is not as easy... they're not on every street corner. That's a positive. And because things are more expensive here, I'm being a lot more conscientious about our food budget. Until I land a job, this is a smart play. And I want to think that once I do get a job, we won't backslide.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Grocery Update
Ya gotta eat.
So far, although we've been out a few times, we're watching money closely during the transition.
We know there are plenty of Whole Foods in the area, but we haven't been there yet, and they have a rep as being pricy. There's a Star Market very close by, but as noted earlier, it is expensive.
So we've been interested in checking out Market Basket, renowned as the go-to grocer for cost-conscious buyers.
Shopping at different grocers is OK; back in the 'Ville we would usually go to Walmart, but had at times hit Harp's and frequented the nearby Marvin's. The latter two places were more expensive, and ultimately we excised Harp's from the mix. Marvin's was a great fall-back if we needed a quick run, although their selection was smaller than that at Wally. However, they did have some unique offerings that we'd try.
After doing some research and hearing that the Market Basket in Chelsea was the crown jewel, yesterday I ventured over there to see for myself. Advisors warned to stay away on weekends, the store would be packed.
Well, it was packed on a Tuesday afternoon, too. Granted, it's just two days before Thanksgiving, but it was insane. The store is mammoth and has 34 checkout aisles. Every one of them had a line at least one cart deep. Being a first-timer, and an ambler, I had to visit almost every section of the store. Throughout, it was like being at a tailgate party. People everywhere. Crazy.
This was my pic upon entry:
Even though I spent more than an hour wandering the store, I still have some questions. Is there ever a time when it's not a madhouse? It didn't appear the selections were as varied as a store that size would have. I will say that the produce section was massive and appeared to be a strong suit. They also had an impressive bakery.
But these are just first-run observations; I think it will take further visits to be sure.
There's a smaller MB in Somerville, which is closer, so I'll probably hit that up at some point.
Even parking at the Chelsea store was a bit of a cluster. I figured out early that finding a place close by was a pipe dream, and headed for the outer reaches of the lot. Maybe that's part of the plan: get customers to work up an appetite before coming in.
What's funny is that the WM's in AR are about similar size, but almost never as crowded. Obviously there is a huge population difference but I don't recall grocery shopping being as much of a challenge in Dallas or LA.
We'll probably find and check out a WM here, although the word is that the experience is vastly difference and the WMs here are grimy. Definitely the perception is different. In Arkansas, WM is a source of pride. Elsewhere, there's a lot of derision.
I don't give a shit, I just want to not spend money I don't have to spend.
On the way to Chelsea there was a place called Stop & Shop. I'll look into that, too.
So far, although we've been out a few times, we're watching money closely during the transition.
We know there are plenty of Whole Foods in the area, but we haven't been there yet, and they have a rep as being pricy. There's a Star Market very close by, but as noted earlier, it is expensive.
So we've been interested in checking out Market Basket, renowned as the go-to grocer for cost-conscious buyers.
Shopping at different grocers is OK; back in the 'Ville we would usually go to Walmart, but had at times hit Harp's and frequented the nearby Marvin's. The latter two places were more expensive, and ultimately we excised Harp's from the mix. Marvin's was a great fall-back if we needed a quick run, although their selection was smaller than that at Wally. However, they did have some unique offerings that we'd try.
After doing some research and hearing that the Market Basket in Chelsea was the crown jewel, yesterday I ventured over there to see for myself. Advisors warned to stay away on weekends, the store would be packed.
Well, it was packed on a Tuesday afternoon, too. Granted, it's just two days before Thanksgiving, but it was insane. The store is mammoth and has 34 checkout aisles. Every one of them had a line at least one cart deep. Being a first-timer, and an ambler, I had to visit almost every section of the store. Throughout, it was like being at a tailgate party. People everywhere. Crazy.
 |
| Market Basket, Chelsea MA. |
Even though I spent more than an hour wandering the store, I still have some questions. Is there ever a time when it's not a madhouse? It didn't appear the selections were as varied as a store that size would have. I will say that the produce section was massive and appeared to be a strong suit. They also had an impressive bakery.
But these are just first-run observations; I think it will take further visits to be sure.
There's a smaller MB in Somerville, which is closer, so I'll probably hit that up at some point.
Even parking at the Chelsea store was a bit of a cluster. I figured out early that finding a place close by was a pipe dream, and headed for the outer reaches of the lot. Maybe that's part of the plan: get customers to work up an appetite before coming in.
What's funny is that the WM's in AR are about similar size, but almost never as crowded. Obviously there is a huge population difference but I don't recall grocery shopping being as much of a challenge in Dallas or LA.
We'll probably find and check out a WM here, although the word is that the experience is vastly difference and the WMs here are grimy. Definitely the perception is different. In Arkansas, WM is a source of pride. Elsewhere, there's a lot of derision.
I don't give a shit, I just want to not spend money I don't have to spend.
On the way to Chelsea there was a place called Stop & Shop. I'll look into that, too.
Monday, November 19, 2012
A Note on "Style"
As pertains to the Boston Rag...
An excellent writer who I asked for feedback about this site mentioned some things I could do differently. And they are spot on... I could benefit from an editor. And, I could benefit from putting a little more into the entries. If I was writing this for publication, it would read less like the work of a diarist and more like a feature story.
I've written enough stories to know that a snappy lede can really pull a reader into the rest of the story.
I perhaps SHOULD take this route, which could conceivably turn this place into a sort of living portfolio of my capabilities.
Of course, that's going to entail more work. Initially I just intended this to be a sort of running commentary of experiences as moved to a completely new environment.
But that linear chronological style might be a little boring. It's certainly much easier to write, but a very high priority for a writer should be creating something someone wants to read.
I get a little bit of viewership, and I love it. It absolutely enhances my self-esteem tremendously. So thanks, y'all, for all that.
But if I can make your visits here more enjoyable, I should do that.
Pondering...
An excellent writer who I asked for feedback about this site mentioned some things I could do differently. And they are spot on... I could benefit from an editor. And, I could benefit from putting a little more into the entries. If I was writing this for publication, it would read less like the work of a diarist and more like a feature story.
I've written enough stories to know that a snappy lede can really pull a reader into the rest of the story.
I perhaps SHOULD take this route, which could conceivably turn this place into a sort of living portfolio of my capabilities.
Of course, that's going to entail more work. Initially I just intended this to be a sort of running commentary of experiences as moved to a completely new environment.
But that linear chronological style might be a little boring. It's certainly much easier to write, but a very high priority for a writer should be creating something someone wants to read.
I get a little bit of viewership, and I love it. It absolutely enhances my self-esteem tremendously. So thanks, y'all, for all that.
But if I can make your visits here more enjoyable, I should do that.
Pondering...
Boston Scene: The Girl on 73 Bus
To get to The Game yesterday, we took the 73 Bus, which dropped us at the Harvard station, and then hoofed it the rest of the way. It was a pretty, sunny day, cool but not cold. Almost brisk, but in reality, just about perfect.
The bus was running slow and was about 10 minutes late. No big whoop, but by the time it arrived, seven more people had joined us at the bus stop. The bus was packed -- SRO.
Boarding with us was a late-arriving girl who had a pretty affected look going on. Black pleather wedge heels, black semi-sheer tights, a too-short skirt, a handbag with a picture of Holly Golightly on it (RED FLAG!)... and then it got really... interesting.
Her dark hair was cut in a hipster/punk cut (you know, long on one side only) and interspersed with inch-wide blond horizontal streaks. She had a pretty severe nostril ring (maybe she's part bull?)... her eye makeup was flared at the outer edges to provide a sort of "Batman" motif, I guess you'd call it. She was listening to something on her earbuds, I couldn't pick up exactly what but I can say it was loud enough to hear above the din of the crowded bus. Capped off was some sort of beret.
As I said, the bus was packed. She was standing slightly behind and to the left of us, as we stood sideways facing the windows on the driver's side.
Only moments after departure from the stop, she proclaimed loudly "Stop looking at me!"
A moment later: "What's your problem?"
Then: "God! Every time I turn around!"
Then: "Really?"
All of this happened in the span of perhaps two or three minutes.
I imagine that many or most women who get lasciviously ogled must, unless they're getting paid for it, feel degraded and insulted by it. Males are visual creatures, and it's not unnatural to check out eye candy. Women do it, too. But there are ways to do this subtly, and ways to not seem a creeperton.
On a packed bus with no way of being unable to see what's inches away from you, I don't know if this guy was leering or not. He couldn't have been more than four feet away from me but I couldn't even see him entirely, and not his face at all.
If he was being disgusting, that's disgusting. If he just had no other place to look, this young woman was being over the top.
My vote was that she was being over the top.
Look, I understand the very dangerous ice one treads when a woman is victimized and someone else minimizes that victimization by saying her clothing was provocative. Was this woman being victimized?
I suppose if she feels she was, then that's the standard. But that's also a risky path to take. There's some flimsy subjectivity in each situation. Did she feel uncomfortable about how someone was looking at her? Apparently. Was the person being a nuisance? In her mind, yes. But does that make it so?
But I think it's disingenuous to have striped hair, exaggerated makeup, piercings, a nearly exposed undercarriage, overly loud music and a Holly Golightly bag -- and bitch about someone looking at you.
Toots, everything you did was designed to get people to look at you. Even your loud complaining on a bus packed with people.
At Eliot, the bus stopped and we exited, so I don't know if she got off at that stop, or the situation worsened, or what happened. But if our paths ever cross again, I'm going to be curious to see if her behavior is affected or authentic.
The bus was running slow and was about 10 minutes late. No big whoop, but by the time it arrived, seven more people had joined us at the bus stop. The bus was packed -- SRO.
Boarding with us was a late-arriving girl who had a pretty affected look going on. Black pleather wedge heels, black semi-sheer tights, a too-short skirt, a handbag with a picture of Holly Golightly on it (RED FLAG!)... and then it got really... interesting.
Her dark hair was cut in a hipster/punk cut (you know, long on one side only) and interspersed with inch-wide blond horizontal streaks. She had a pretty severe nostril ring (maybe she's part bull?)... her eye makeup was flared at the outer edges to provide a sort of "Batman" motif, I guess you'd call it. She was listening to something on her earbuds, I couldn't pick up exactly what but I can say it was loud enough to hear above the din of the crowded bus. Capped off was some sort of beret.
As I said, the bus was packed. She was standing slightly behind and to the left of us, as we stood sideways facing the windows on the driver's side.
Only moments after departure from the stop, she proclaimed loudly "Stop looking at me!"
A moment later: "What's your problem?"
Then: "God! Every time I turn around!"
Then: "Really?"
All of this happened in the span of perhaps two or three minutes.
I imagine that many or most women who get lasciviously ogled must, unless they're getting paid for it, feel degraded and insulted by it. Males are visual creatures, and it's not unnatural to check out eye candy. Women do it, too. But there are ways to do this subtly, and ways to not seem a creeperton.
On a packed bus with no way of being unable to see what's inches away from you, I don't know if this guy was leering or not. He couldn't have been more than four feet away from me but I couldn't even see him entirely, and not his face at all.
If he was being disgusting, that's disgusting. If he just had no other place to look, this young woman was being over the top.
My vote was that she was being over the top.
Look, I understand the very dangerous ice one treads when a woman is victimized and someone else minimizes that victimization by saying her clothing was provocative. Was this woman being victimized?
I suppose if she feels she was, then that's the standard. But that's also a risky path to take. There's some flimsy subjectivity in each situation. Did she feel uncomfortable about how someone was looking at her? Apparently. Was the person being a nuisance? In her mind, yes. But does that make it so?
But I think it's disingenuous to have striped hair, exaggerated makeup, piercings, a nearly exposed undercarriage, overly loud music and a Holly Golightly bag -- and bitch about someone looking at you.
Toots, everything you did was designed to get people to look at you. Even your loud complaining on a bus packed with people.
At Eliot, the bus stopped and we exited, so I don't know if she got off at that stop, or the situation worsened, or what happened. But if our paths ever cross again, I'm going to be curious to see if her behavior is affected or authentic.
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